


bitter

by llostt_in_ttranslationn



Series: preath: the s(ex) tapes [1]
Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Angst, F/F, that will be cp/th endgame so you just gotta stick with me for the journey, this will be part of a series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:22:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26307757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/llostt_in_ttranslationn/pseuds/llostt_in_ttranslationn
Summary: Christen is going to fix this mess, one way or another.Based on FLETCHER's "the s(ex) tapes" track 3, "bitter"
Relationships: Tobin Heath/Christen Press, Tobin Heath/Original Female Character (mentioned)
Series: preath: the s(ex) tapes [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1911478
Comments: 18
Kudos: 101





	bitter

**Author's Note:**

> it's been a hot minute since i've written for preath and i honestly haven't been reading much of it either so hopefully there's nothing too similar to this out there already.

Christen genuinely wouldn’t say she’s a resentful person, most of the time. The many years of meditation and yoga and therapy she’s gone through has actually made her exceptionally forgiving, in her opinion. But there’s just  _ something _ about seeing Tobin move on so quickly that has turned her into a spiteful, angry, irrational woman, which she has never been before now.

And she hates it, honestly. She hates the way she is so bitter all the time now. It sucks.

She would be much less bitter if Tobin hadn’t already moved on, Christen reasons to herself when she’s getting drunk off expensive wine on nights she doesn’t have early practice the next morning.

Christen doesn’t know Tobin’s new girlfriend’s name. Just that she’s tall and blonde and gorgeous and  _ young _ . 

Christen doesn’t want to know the girl’s name. Because that would make it real and if she pretends it isn’t then she doesn’t have to believe it. If the model-esque woman doesn’t have a name, Christen doesn’t have to acknowledge her existence. She doesn’t have to accept that Tobin already has someone new, someone to replace her.

But Christen has never been the type to live in delusions. She’s always been ridiculously grounded. 

And it doesn’t help that she sees the gorgeous girl plastered all over the social media of Tobin’s Thorns teammates. And it’s not like Christen can just unfollow every Thorn she knows. Because that would mean unfollowing some of her own National Team teammates. 

It’s kind of ironic that the only Thorn who hasn’t posted anything with the girl is Tobin herself, always one to keep her personal life quiet and her social media presence to a minimum. But Sonnett and Horan and Franch all have private social media accounts, with just friends and no fans, so they freely post pictures and videos of the new blonde hanging all over Tobin, _ all the time _ . 

Christen knows there’s no malice behind their actions, but it hurts a whole hell of a lot to see someone else living the life she once did.

Because that’s what it comes down to, honestly. The fact that this blonde goddess has replaced Christen so seamlessly. 

And it’s so stupid that she’s so fixated on it, because  _ she _ was the one who told Tobin they should break up. She just didn’t expect Tobin would move on so swiftly. She had hoped Tobin would fight harder for her. 

Instead, their four years of love was washed away along with Christen’s imprint on Tobin’s life. 

Tobin had moved out of _ their  _ Portland townhouse, transitioned back into life in a cramped apartment. And Tobin had sold the house furnished, all the furniture they had picked out together now belonged to some other family. And Christen has a hunch that all of their old pictures had found a new home in Portland’s city dump. 

Christen, for her part, had done what she does best when things get tough: she packed up and moved back to Sweden, far away from her troubles.

Maybe that’s what encouraged Tobin to move on. 

Christen hates that she hopes Tobin’s equally as hung up on her, dating someone new or not. She’s never had a break up hit her so hard before. Probably because she had never planned to spend forever with any of her other exes.

She wonders if Tobin sees a forever with her new girlfriend. She wonders if anything she and Tobin shared had remained sacred; if Tobin refrained from doing certain things with this new woman because they reminded her too much of life with Christen.

Probably not. 

Tobin never was quite as sentimental as Christen.

So Tobin probably takes this new woman to the same restaurants she and Christen frequented. Probably orders the same types of takeout on the same nights of the week. And on nights they stay at home and fend for dinner on their own, Tobin probably fucks her new girlfriend on the counter and then fumbles through cooking one of the few meals she can successfully make on her own. Most of which, Christen taught her how to cook, after their own kitchen sex sessions. Christen hopes that Tobin at least thinks about her during all of these moments. 

Christen hopes that Tobin still remembers her taste, that it lingers in her mind when kissing and fucking her new woman. She hopes she lives rent-free in Tobin’s head the same way Tobin is still a fixture in her own mind. She hopes memories of them leaves a bitter aftertaste in Tobin’s thoughts, one that never fades, one that tells her that nothing will ever feel as right as it did with Christen.

Because that’s what Christen is these days:  _ bitter _ . And jealous, and angry. Mostly at herself. For destroying the best thing she’s ever had. But also, at Tobin. For not fighting harder to close the chasm that had grown between them. For moving on within the first few months. For seemingly not being as torn up inside as Christen is. But then again, Christen hasn’t spoken to her in nearly four months, so what does she know about how Tobin’s coping? Tobin could be even more heartbroken than Christen is. Honestly, with the way they left things, with the way  _ Christen  _ destroyed things, that’s probably exactly the case. 

Christen feels so stupid for not thinking about that sooner. But she also feels a small spark of hope that in the months she’s spent cold and alone, feels like a blazing inferno. Maybe there’s still a chance for her to repair things between them.

And that’s why, on a chilly October evening, Christen finds herself changing her home-flight destination for the Swedish off-season from LAX to PDX. Because she’s sick and tired of letting her regret make her so bitter.

Christen is going to fix this mess, one way or another.

Though, she’s not naive enough to think she won’t be making it even messier in the process.

She just hopes it isn’t too late.

**Author's Note:**

> please let me know what you think of the start of this series in a comment or over on tumblr @ llostt-in-ttranslationn. see you back here for another part real soon!


End file.
